My sleep interrupted by a fuckin – truly, fuckin’ – horrendous stench while traveling the dull bus journey back to Chile from southern Argentina.
Others – the few foreigners around me at the rear of the bus were pulling the most-ugly faces and near vomiting, truly, as I realized the smell was coming from the on-bus toilet, opposite me.
Jokes were exchanged – including the dead rat one – to the point of despair.
The smell was terrifying.
One young Brit stated it was now the 6th flush of the toilet we’d heard as he struggled to open the unopenable-locked, A/C bus window as his girlfriend gagged beneath her scarf as the smell of shit absorbed our entire world.
SMELL FROM HELL.
Never have I encountered such an evil sensory commotion.
Absolute panic and disgust as a German guy punched open the roof-top vent to – as he said – “help inhalation”.
Crowd anticipation mounted for the smelly fucker to exit and show himself … come on ya cunt … Die … then it happened.
And we burst into hysterics.
Exiting the cubicle was a slim, beautiful, blond Latina.
I let out a few comments that got others laughing: “Fuck, that chick’s got one dangerous arse … Man, lucky, her boyfriend’s a sensitive, caring guy”.
The bus attendant – urged by gasping passengers – entered the hazard zone – hell-of-a brave guy – and sprayed some cheap scent, on which I commented “Great, the smell of roses and shit,”.
That wasn’t enough to quell the stench.
So he returned with bleach to extinguish the rotting-pig – the wafting ammonia fumes stinging our eyes and nose.
Following that nasty adventure I made it to the Torres Del Paine National Park, stunning for its horned peaks, turquoise lakes and glaciers, where finally, I could inhale deeply …
PS: So there you were all these years believing the rock ‘n roll cliche that proclaims: “Blondes’ have more fun”.