Thought I’d woken to someone shitting on my face.

My sleep interrupted by a fuckin – truly, fuckin’ – horrendous stench while traveling the dull bus journey back to Chile from southern Argentina.

Others – the few foreigners around me at the rear of the bus were pulling the most-ugly faces and near vomiting, truly, as I realized the smell was coming from the on-bus toilet, opposite me.

Jokes were exchanged – including the dead rat one – to the point of despair, for the smell was terrifying.

One young Brit stated it was now the 6th flush of the toilet we’d heard as he struggled to open the unopenable-locked, A/C bus window as his girlfriend gagged beneath her scarf as the smell of shit absorbed our entire world.

SMELL FROM HELL; never have I encountered such an evil sensory commotion.

Absolute panic and disgust as a German guy punched open the roof-top vent to – as he said – “help inhalation”.

Crowd anticipation mounted for the smelly fucker to exit and show himself … come on ya cunt … Die … then it happened.

And we burst into hysterics – exiting out of the bog was a slim, beautiful, blond Latina.

I let out a few comments that got others laughing: “Fuck, that chick’s got one dangerous arse … Man, lucky, her boyfriend’s a sensitive, caring guy”.

The bus attendant – urged by gasping passengers – entered the hazard zone – hell-of-a brave guy – and sprayed some cheap scent, on which I commented “Great, the smell of roses and shit,”.

That wasn’t enough to quell the stench.

So he returned with bleach to extinguish the rotting-pig – the wafting ammonia fumes stinging our eyes and nose.

Following that nasty adventure I made it to the Torres Del Paine National Park, stunning for its horned peaks, turquoise lakes and glaciers, where finally, I could inhale deeply …

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